Interview With Renowned Psychic Lilly Wise
By Sonny California

We met with renowned psychic to the stars Lilly Wise in her home on the Malibu coast. Dressed in a shimmering silk bathrobe, Ms. Wise offered us coffee and fruit, and sat us comfortably on her patio lounge chairs.

SC: Ms. Wise, what does it take to be a psychic to the stars?

LW: That's not really the question you wanted to ask me, is it, Sonny?

SC: No, it isn't. Actually, I wanted to know how you can afford such a lovely home.

LW: Money is nothing but stored up energy, and all energy is under the control of our mind and spirit. If you feel you honestly deserve something, and if your mind and spirit direct themselves toward it, you will achieve or acquire it. I saw this house a few years ago, and it just came to me.

SC: How can there be enough money in psychic work to buy such an expensive house?

LW: I know what you really mean, and the simple fact is that my clients love what I do for them, and want me to be happy. Since this house makes me happy, my clients helped me to live here.

SC: I see. So ... what's going to happen in the coming year?

LW: Actually, you're interested in whether your novel will sell to that big publisher who expressed interest last week. The sad answer, no, he won't buy it. But an editor at another publishing house will see your novel and commission you to ghost write a celebrity autobiography. You'll clean up from it.

SC: Really? Which celebrity?

LW: If I told you that, it might spoil the fun. Besides, you're going to publish this interview on the Internet, and that kind of information is better kept "behind the scenes," if you know what I mean.

SC: So what can you predict for this interview?

LW: I wish you'd stop covering up your true desires by asking me these conventional questions. Later today, you'll get a speeding ticket when you least expect it. And your brother will make a strange request. You won't believe what he's asking you to do!

SC: What are you talking about?

LW: Of course, you're going to do what he asks. You can't refuse. You still feel that you "owe" him for that escapade he helped you with. "South of the border," if you know what I mean.

SC: How did you hear about that?

LW: No, Lucy didn't tell me about it for this interview, as you're guessing she did. I picked it out of your mind just now. But I can also see that you're going through a period of being unlucky in love. The next few years are going to be very stressful. But ultimately, you'll settle down with a woman you already know, but don't think of romantically just yet.

SC: Can we get back to the interview now?

LW: We could, if you wanted to. But you're desperately interested in knowing more about this woman. She's average height, I can tell you, with brown hair and brown eyes. She has a quick smile and she has always been very nice to you.

SC: Sherry?

LW: That's not the one.

SC: Can we please ....

LW: You're right. You shouldn't have worn those underpants today. They're torn. You think I don't know these things?

SC: .... uh ....

LW: You could have had breakfast here, you know. You didn't have to stop in that cheesy café along the road. But since you did, why did you leave such a chintzy tip? That poor waitress has a sick child.

SC: How do you know where I had breakfast?

LW: Oh, damn. There's a lady walking by on the road and she's looking forward to spending the afternoon with her boyfriend. Wait'll she finds out where he was last night! I wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall of that room.

SC: Can I ask you....

LW: All right. I'll stop giving you answers to questions you don't ask. But honestly, the questions you've written down to ask me are boring. So that's the end of this interview. I show you out. But don't worry, doll. I can see that next time, you'll do much better.